These photos seemed to fit the contrasting calm and chaos of how my 2024 has gone. What seems so calm and tranquil is quickly churned and tossed around.

This year I was reminded how fast things can shift from security to uncertainty. At the beginning of the summer, I was laid off from my job of 14 years. My last official day at Rose Publishing/Tyndale House was in the middle of our family trip to England and Kenya (more on that in a future post). It was so shocking to suddenly have to say goodbye to all my colleagues, finish-up all my work, and start job-hunting all while traveling. Now, two months later, the search continues as I look for a new chapter in my career.

In the interim, I am offering my services on a freelance basis. If you are looking for some extra help with web, digital marketing, video production, or graphic design, I am available for consultations. In the same vein, if you are interested in personalized tutorials on photography or Photoshop skills, I am available for hire. The best way to reach me is through my contact form here.

Also, for the first time, I will be offering private portrait sessions this fall.

And stay tuned, there are even more announcements coming soon! As I mentioned before, I’ll be posting about some of my trips and my 2025 calendar is going to the printer next week. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the photos.

Click here to see the full gallery.

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After the wedding, Kim and I went on our honeymoon—enjoying the beautiful Olympic National Park. We spent four days in the gorgeous Hoh rainforest and the town of Forks. Little did I know beforehand that Forks is the mecca for Twilight book fans. I was quickly educated by my new wife. Then we made our way up to Port Angeles and the stunning Lake Crescent. We were blown away by the beauty that surrounded us.

The celebration continued through the summer when did our “Family-moon” with the girls. Early into the wedding and honeymoon planning Kim and I wanted to do some kind of trip as a family to mark this new beginning. So, we kicked off our summer vacation with a family trip up to Sequoia and Kings Canyon. I was so excited to show the girls many of my favorite spots in both parks as well as the beautiful Hume Lake which I hadn’t seen myself in about 25 years!

The remainder of the summer was a good balance of time at home and little trips to create memories. We concluded their vacation time with one last trip to cap off the Family-moon summer with a weekend visiting Joshua Tree to see the Perseids meteor shower and show the girls another beautiful park in CA. There were way more people there than we expected, but still had our quiet moments together. We were so grateful for all the opportunities we had to make memories with the girls and forge this new chapter in our family.

I’m overflowing with gratitude and peace entering this new season of life. Thankful for this new life chapter with Kim and all the love and support I have received from Kim, our families, and our community of friends. Transitioning to this new blended family has gone way smoother than Kim and I thought it would. The girls have fully embraced Kim which has been such an answer to prayer. 

Obviously, there are still moments of pain and grief as things change, but it feels so good knowing we aren’t doing this alone. I am mindful of a verse that I mulled over these last seven years.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.

-Isaiah 43:2

I am so grateful for all the love that has been and continues to be showered over our little family. All of those who have helped us with practical needs, notes of encouragement, and prayers that have been sent our way, thank you. We have been so blessed by all of you.

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By far this was the most water I had seen in the canyon in about 20 years. We saw quite a few waterfalls you don’t normally see, and we had to cross many new streams. When we got to the main set of falls we were greeted by a wall of noise as the water crashing on the canyon rocks echoed off the walls of the narrow ravine.

This raucous tranquility was such an interesting experience. The dissonance of these two conflicting feelings really made me take notice. This dichotomy also reminded me of how out-of-place a quiet scene like this could be just minutes away from the hustle and bustle of the LA metro area. It also caused me to reflect on the mutual contrasts currently in my personal life as well. Life is so hectic right now juggling family, work,the upcoming wedding, and prepping for Kim and I to combine our houses. And yet I am feeling a strong sense of peace looking ahead to the new season I am about to embark on.

This day in the Santa Monicas made me mindful to cherish those tranquil moments in midst of this fleeting raucous season.

Here are some photos from the trip.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this raucous tranquility.

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It’s that time of year again, remembering the year that was. To recap my personal 2017 and give it full context we have to go back to where I was a year ago in 2016 as my beautiful wife was nearing the end of her three-year cancer journey.

The image above I feel typifies my year. Out of the stormy few years I have had I am starting to see light. It’s not quite defined yet, but I can see the storm starting give way. The photo itself was not the picture I intended to take. I was at the Great Sand Dunes National Park while a summer thunderstorm was building over the dunes. I had hoped to get the sunset under the clouds and above the dunes. However the clouds continued to get thicker and gloomier, meanwhile the setting sun filled the rest of the valley with magnificent orange glow. It became a meditative moment for me as I just paused to take in the scene in front of me.

I knew going in 2017 was going to be a year of change and grieving, little did I know how much change it would be. This post is not intended to layout in detail how my year went so here’s the summary.

Heidi did finally pass away in January, she was mourned and celebrated in a beautiful memorial service. It was a great time to grieve, reminisce Heidi’s life, and share in the hope that this is not the end for her with friends and family.

February brought in more unexpected change as I returned to work at my day-job and discovered the company I worked for seven years was sold to a competitor on the east coast. The sale of the company was completed in March and I became an independent contractor/consultant assisting with the transition while remaining in Southern California.

In May my landlord, Heidi’s grandfather, passed away and our little family had to find new housing as Heidi’s family prepared to sell the house.  Living there was such a blessing and it helped us afford the flexibility for me to care for Heidi at home for her final days. We had always known there was always the chance we could move when we first rented the place, we just hoped to have more time to recover financially before we needed to move or purchase the house ourselves but it wasn’t meant to be.

Yet even in the midst of all the hard changes there have been many blessings this year. For example, my change in employment afforded me the opportunity to work from home so I can be around more for my three little girls. It also enabled me the chance to travel more than I normally would in a given year. We did two memory-making family trips to see extended family in both Nevada and Colorado, as well as visiting five national parks/monuments I had never been to. Also, we did find a new place to live less than two miles away from our old place in the midst of a white-hot real estate market. Even in the midst of all of these challenges I am grateful for the little blessings along the way.

My Top 10 Photos

Here are my favorite photos from 2017, in no particular order.

Before Sunrise in Kawuneeche Valley, Rocky Mountain National Park

Great Sand Dunes National Park

Starry Sky Over White Mountain

Mariposa Mountain Lily, Pike National Forest

Summer Showers, Sangre De Cristo Mountains

Long Shadows in the Eastern Sierra Nevada

Buffalo Gourd Vine

Thor’s Hammer, Bryce Canyon National Park

The final image in my top 10 is actually a time lapse I did in the eastern Sierra Nevada as the summer thunderstorms passed through the Owens Valley.

The post Looking Back, The Images That Made 2017 appeared first on Dubland Media.

Overall, I am managing. There are still so many things in my life that are not settled and only so much mental and emotional energy that I have in a day. And there are those little moments, like a hearing a song Heidi loved or finding an item of hers in the house, that will leave me in a heap of tears, but I am sure those moments are to be expected. I have also noticed the loneliness factor is much more present. Not just in those moments at home, but even in social settings with friends and family.

Spiritually I still feel pretty dry, reading anything more than an article, a short psalm, or listening to a song is a challenge. But I do have my constant “go-to’s” for comfort. Like psalm 42:

These days I am just looking for small victories. Like being able to get up and get through my day of work and caring for the girls–which I have learned to be content with. All that being said, there are still those times when I have to remind myself to not bite off more than I can chew.

The girls are managing okay as well. There are those moments for them when missing Heidi is more evident and more emotional than usual. Bedtime is often a challenge; it’s the time when all the fears, anxiety, and loneliness come up as the busy-ness of the day winds down. There are a fair number of nights when at least one of the girls is up for some reason or another. It’s quite exhausting, but I just pray that it is just a season that will eventually pass. Even with all the challenges this year, they all finished school well and have had plenty of fun memory-making experiences this summer.

June was a particularly rough month as some of the new realities started to set in. Work wasn’t as busy as when I first returned from my leave, all the urgent tasks had been resolved. The girls also finished their school year and started their summer schedule. And the most painful part, all the family birthdays were ramping up. Starting with our youngest daughter’s birthday we have seven family birthdays in a little over a month, including Heidi’s. Not only did all those celebrations have a tinge of sadness, but I was now expected to plan, or help plan, several of those celebrations. Thankfully both my mother and mother-in-law have helped me out immensely so our girls didn’t feel forgotten or slighted when it came to their birthday celebrations.

There have been some sweet memories made these past six months as well. Back in May we were generously given Disneyland passes from one of Heidi’s friends which was great for memory-making and quality family time. And as our summer moved into July we were blessed with the opportunity to do some traveling. First to visit my extended family, including my 97-year-old grandma, in the Reno and Virginia City area of Nevada. The kids had lots of undivided time with their cousins, camping and riding all kinds of fun vehicles. And we’ve concluded this summer by visiting Heidi’s family in Colorado, soaking up all the spectacular natural wonders of the Rockies and the Colorado Plateau.

The girls and their cousins visitng their great-grandmother

Enjoying Rocky Mountain National Park with the Hammer cousins

Now that our summer travel is over it’s time to come back to the reality of everyday life: work and school, as we start a new school year. And I’m looking to settle in and hopefully answer a lot of the big question marks in my life at the moment, like:

Work

For those of you who may be new to the Weston saga over the last year, I learned that the company I work for, Rose Publishing, was in the process of being sold as I was returning from work after Heidi’s passing. The buyer and my new employer, Hendrickson Publishing, gave me an offer to relocate to Massachusetts, or remain in Southern California as an independent contractor on a six-month contract as they decide what to do with Rose. I chose the latter which ended up being a blessing in disguise as I was able to work from home and have enough flexibility to work around the kids’ schedules, settle a lot of the business end of Heidi’s passing, and just take a breath as I process the last three years.

My new employer, Hendrickson Publishers, has been very understanding and flexible on my work needs which has been great. Now as we move into the new school year and the transition from Rose to Hendrickson starts to wind down and my contract nears it’s end a lot of questions will need to be answered on how work will look for me in the future.

Housing

Many of you may not know this but for the past six years we had been renting Heidi’s grandfather’s house. It started out as a means for us to recover financially after we did a short sale on our condo due to the recession and my 10 months of unemployment back in 2009-10. And it would become an added blessing once Heidi was diagnosed with breast cancer when the medical bills and other new expenses started to add up, it also afforded me the time I took off work to care for her.

As Heidi’s grandfather’s health was getting weaker the family had expressed their intention to sell the house once he passed, so we knew there was always the chance that we would need to move in the near future.  We had hoped to have a fair amount of time after Heidi’s passing to square away my employment uncertainty, childcare needs and all the other life adjustments involved before we would need to find new housing. It didn’t work out that way.  Heidi’s grandfather passed away May 6^th and after talking it through with the family, it was agreed that we would need to move out by November 1 as they prepare to sell the house.

It’s one more major life-change that I didn’t really need right now. And the current real estate market in Southern California makes it a financial challenge. But considering all the provisions God has blessed us with over the past four years through, family, friends, and total strangers, I am sure we’ll be able to solve our housing issues.

Childcare

One of my biggest challenges these days is being the sole parent to my three little girls. Our little family has been so blessed by all the family and friends who have helped by caring for the girls over the past four years, and I don’t know how we could have done it without that help. However, all that free help can only go so far. My prayer is once I am able to find answers for my employment and housing questions I will be able to find a more permanent childcare solution that will ease the burden for me and all the family and friends that are currently helping care for my little girls.

Wrapping it Up

There are times I wish I could just wrap up all these questions in my life as easy as it is to finish something like a blog post. I wish someone would just come in and tell me what I need to do and answer all those questions I need answered. But ultimately, I know answering these questions quickly isn’t necessarily the best solution. I am trying my hardest to slow down and just be at peace in the midst of all these questions. It would be nice to at least cross off one (or two) of these.

Again, I cannot express enough thanks for all of those who have helped, fed, loved on us, and prayed for us in this time of need. I don’t know how we could have made it through these past six months without all of you. Thank you.

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For those interested in the story behind the photo it was taken on the bucket list trip to Alaska my wife, Heidi, and I planned after she was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. As we were working out our itinerary I was doing lots of research of places I’d like to photograph, and Polychrome Overlook was high on the list along with Denali itself. Unfortunately, we only got a fleeting glimpse of the base of Denali as we rode on the park shuttle bus. I had my concerns that we wouldn’t see much when we got to Polychrome Overlook as it continued to get stormier on our ride through the park, but as you can see the view was spectacular.

The overall trip was incredible—we saw some incredible sights and experienced many once-in-a-lifetime things that we’ll forever cherish. There were days we weren’t even sure my wife would make the trip as her cancer grew, but she fought hard and made it through, and then some. Her three-year cancer journey ended just a few months ago, but I know it meant the world to her to be able to do one last big trip with me. I know it did for me. You can click here to see more photos from my trip to Alaska.

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The Girls

The girls are doing pretty good, all things considered. We have had our share of anxious moments, emotional breakdowns and sleepless nights, but those have lessened as the days go by. One of the mixed blessings of the last few months of Heidi’s life was as her body was slowly shutting down, the girls were able to slowly pull away from her. From Thanksgiving on Heidi spent most of the day sleeping, and as the sleeping increased the girls went into her room less and less.

The challenge with the girls right now is finding a new routine. The past few months there has been no routine: we had the holidays, Heidi being sick, family and friends visiting and now my return to work. Now that I am back to work full time the girls have been extra clingy to me, but I am sure that will lessen once we have a more set regular schedule.

Myself

As for how I am doing I feel like I am okay. There are times when life feels a bit overwhelming—be it managing the girls’ schedule and the corresponding childcare, or the return to work—my plate definitely feels full. In many ways I have been grieving (and have been a single parent) for the last seven months as Heidi’s health was failing. And yet everything about this grief still feels brand-new and foreign to me. There are still plenty of random moments when the loss of Heidi really hits me hard and I am a heap of tears.

I think the most challenging part is the lonely moments. Whether it’s longing for more adult conversations than talking about Shopkins and Paw Patrol with the girls, or just wanting someone to commiserate with after a long grinding or emotional day. I do have my adult times scattered throughout the week and plenty of help with the girls, but I am still the sole adult in our household.

A New Project

In some of those lonely moments I have been able to channel/process some of my thoughts and emotions through art, my own and others’ work. Throughout the last year I have been writing down ideas that came from our family’s journey with cancer and also inspirations that came from reading the psalms. This idea is still very new to me, and I am not sure what direction it will go, but I plan to sit with this for awhile and see what develops.

Aside from the psalms, there have been two songs that have resonated in tone with how I envision this work taking form. The first song is one I rediscovered around Christmastime, Henryk Gorecki’s Symphony Number 3 (Symphony of Sorrowful Songs). It’s a powerful piece. I recommend listening to it with speakers or headphones; the dynamic range of the piece is pretty large (parts of it are really quiet and others really loud). Being a symphony it’s also a pretty long piece, the first movement alone is almost 30 minutes long.

The second piece is from Andrew Peterson called “Rejoice” which came out about a year ago. His whole album was been a touchstone of where I have been over the last year. The song itself may not be where I currently am personally, but where I want to be.

As I said before, this is just starting to gain momentum in my mind. It may be quite a bit of time before anything tangible comes out of this idea of mine.

I cannot thank you all enough for taking interest in Heidi and my journey through this challenging season of life. I thank you all for the continued prayers and innumerable gifts you have showered on our family.

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It’s not how I envisioned returning to work after caring for Heidi the last seven months, but I am at peace with the situation. In some ways this will be a blessing in disguise. Yes, working a salaried job with benefits does give you a sense of security and consistency, but as this past week proves not even that is certain. Doing contract work will give me the flexibility to be more available for the girls as I adjust to being a single parent. At the same time I can also seek out other clients and take on web and video production projects I didn’t have time to do while at Rose. I will also be able set aside more time to promote my photography and art. One of the first things I want to do is finish migrating my website to a more robust platform which will enable visitors to purchase prints or license images directly from the website.

I know some would call this a tough situation, but it could be worse. I just have to think back to eight years ago. I was coming off the mountain-top experience of helping rebuild a college library in Liberia on a short-term mission trips when I learned that the company I was working for was downsizing and I was losing my job just as Heidi and I were welcoming our firstborn into the world. At the height of the recession I ended up unemployed for 10 months and under-employed for another eight months. We were forced to sell our condo at the time in a short-sale, and yet we made it through. I wouldn’t even consider that season of my life a time of hardship. During my time in Liberia I met people who had been through true hardship. People who had lived 20-plus years in the shadow of warlords, civil war, malaria and other diseases. My present circumstances pale in comparison.

In these moments it’s calming to reflect on one of my favorite psalms: Psalm 139:1-6.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!  You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;   it is high; I cannot attain it.

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